The most amazing, beautiful and cool engagement pics ever

Hey,

So, after a bit of scheduling trouble, Jon and I were able to finally do our engagement shoot with Bryan Mitchell. It was AMAZING. First of all, we knew we didn't want to do the traditional engagement pics of the couple standing in a field or anything like that. We wanted to do something cool, something a bit punk rock and something very much us. I got a lot of ideas from the website Rock and Roll Bride (awesome, even if you aren't getting married, check it out) and Bryan was very willing to make our ideas work. We met outside the Blind Pig, an Ann Arbor rock and roll institution of sorts. Not only does it have a rich musical history (artists such as John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Joan Baez, REM, Sonic Youth, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana have played there, to name just a few) but it was also one of the first places Jon and I went on a date. We shot a bunch of photos in front of the Blind Pig, a bunch down by The Millennium Club, some in the alley beside the Blind Pig and even some inside the 8 Ball (the bar under the Blind Pig).

We had a blast and Bryan was inventive, creative and generally awesome. We are SO thrilled with how the pics came out and the hardest part will be trying to decide which ones to print since there are so many cool ones to choose from. These are just a few:

Must Vent.

I absolutely HATE the way my mom deals with her dog. He is spoiled little shit and she is so inconsistent about dealing with him that it's no WONDER he behaves the way he does (but she still wonders why!) Aargh.

1. She thinks that just because she's giving him dog treats while we're sitting down to eat (instead of people food like she did with previous dogs) that it's somehow better. Yet, then she yells at the dog for jumping up on her for more after she tells him "no more." Er, you're dealing with a DOG. You just gave him treats 2 minutes before and now you're yelling at him because he wants more? Am I the only one that thinks this is idiotic?

2. Almost every night the dog gets people food mixed into his dog pellets as a treat. Er, it isn't a treat if it happens all the time. "He won't eat it otherwise." Yeah, because he KNOWS you'll give him something better if he plays hunger strike for a night. If you only give him pellets then he'll figure out he has to EAT pellets if he wants to eat. I maintain, he'll get hungry enough and eat them.

3. He is allowed up on my mom's lap at the dinner table after she has finished eating. Obnoxious and uncalled for.

4. He bites and they (my parents) don't do a damn thing about reprimanding him for it. If he gets hold of something he shouldn't have (say, a tissue, magazine, sock, scarf, dishcloth etc., etc.) and you try to take it away from him, he will bite. I've been bitten by him a few times and, yes, he's broken the skin. Does he get punished? Is anything done to try to change this behavior in any long-term way? No. Let me say that if/when I have kids, I will NOT feel comfortable letting them anywhere near that dog.

5. And just because I find it obnoxious, he's a fucking little, white shih tzu. Obnoxious, obnoxious, obnoxious.

I am not a dog person, but I have also been spoiled by how WELL behaved Jon's dog is. Fina is not allowed in whatever room a person is eating in. She has to sit at the outside door until whoever is walking her says "ok" and lets her go. She has to sit at intersections when on a walk. She is a 90lb white German shepherd and is INFINITELY better behaved than Dante (the shih tzu). I have the hardest time not completely blowing up anytime my mom lets Dante do something bad/obnoxious/dangerous etc but I know she won't listen anyways. It's like beating my head against a wall.

I hate to say it, but I can not STAND that dog. Ugh.

Meh

It's probably too early in the school year to be ready for a break, although I suppose we are already at the mid-point of the quarter. I've still not really found any redeeming qualities for my 5th hour, the class as a whole has the personality of wet lint. No one talks in class discussions, I feel like I'm spoon feeding the material and it's torture. I dread that class. On the other hand, I looooooove my AP classes so far. They're very fun, have personality and even if they occasionally make me crazy, there's just something entertaining about them.

Anyways, I'm thinking this may be the year I actually use a few of my sick days as mental health days. Plenty of my co-workers do, but I always felt a bit guilty about doing that. We'll see.

The other thing that's causing a bit of angst is that I'm still not getting accustomed to seeing Jon only once a week. With our opposite schedules (I work from 7am to 3:3opm and he works from 3pm to midnight) we see each other once a week, twice if we're lucky (he works Tuesday to Saturday, me: Monday to Friday). It's very tough. I feel like we never see each other and that's pretty crummy. I know it isn't permanent, but I still don't like it. I try to just focus on the fact that we both have jobs, and in this economy (especially in Michigan-hello 15% unemployment) that's what matters.

Some days are just tough though. :(

The Dress Post

Ok, so, first off this is going to require a bit of bravery on my part. Some of these pictures are quite unflattering...

Back a month or two ago, I didn't see a whole lot of reason to wait to go wedding dress shopping. Of course I'd already started looking and stocked up on wedding magazines and catalogs. I had the time and my local bridesmaids (though they didn't know they were bridesmaids at the time) were free since the lot of us are teachers, so off we went to go dress shopping. I had some ideas as to what I wanted in a dress and some things I wanted to try (mostly because my mom thought I shouldn't wear such things) and little else in the way of real wedding dress knowledge other than what I thought was waaaaay too much to spend on a dress I'll be wearing for one day. I wanted it to be pretty and flattering and make me feel like a million bucks but not COST a million bucks. Beyond that, I also knew I'd be dealing with sample sizes in some cases.

Ugh.

Sample sizes.

For those of you that don't know (probably limited to any guys that might read my blog), in many places wedding dresses are only availible to try on in sample sizes. That means sizes 4, 6 and maybe if you're REALLY lucky, a size 8. Please remember, the average woman in the US is a size 14 and weighs 162.9 lbs (according to the LA Times at least). Now, I'm not a size 6. I'll readily admit that. However, I'm also not a size 14 (Ok, full disclosure, I wear an 8 or a 10, depending on the brand and what article of clothing is in question), so I'm definitely under the average. But that still doesn't mean I'll fit into a sample size. I was dreading this part of the process. In some ways it didn't help that I was going dress shopping with two girls I love, but both who are definitely thinner than me. I already felt like a bit of a heifer.

Anyways, off we go to Vintage to Vogue. V2V is a small boutique in Kerrytown and I'd often seen them displaying wedding dresses in their shop window. I figured it was a good enough place to start as I'd been in there before and thought they had interesting clothes. Yes, they only had sample sizes so, in the odd way that it is, one has to imagine what one might look like in said dress without being able to zip it up all the way. Or get it over your hips. Not an easy feat. My compatriates also felt that I should just try EVERYTHING on, whether I liked it on the hanger or not. So, I let them take charge as they'd both been through this process before. KJ and Wife just started handing me dresses and told me to put them on. Some were ok, some were hideous and many looked totally HORRIBLE on me. Looking at the pictures, you can usually tell what I thought based on my facial expressions. Ok. Be brave. Here we go...

This wasn't one of the worst of the lot, but maybe my mom is right, maybe strapless dresses aren't the right way to go for me...ever.

Definitely not skinny enough to wear THIS dress. Let's just pull a little MORE attention to my not-so-skinny middle, why don't we? At least I could zip it up...

Again, at least it could be zipped up, but (to me) it looks like it was kept wadded up in a bag until someone pulled it out. And I hated the neckline even though others tried to convince me it looked ok. Ugh.

Same one.

Ah yes, try to imagine what this would look like if I could actually zip it up...It might have been one of the better ones, but I couldn't imagine myself in it without having to hold the back closed. Stupid sample sizes.

Again, just not me. And all of these dresses were definitely in the league of "why on EARTH pay so much for something I'll wear once!?" I couldn't justify it no matter what. Just as well that I

didn't love any of them

Ok, so with a bunch of them under my proverbial belt, we went off to see what David's Bridal had in store. I knew for certain there was one dress I very much wanted to try on, but I was increasingly nervous that it would only look good on the mannequin and not me. I gave the woman a list of the dresses I wanted to try and the "fun" began. At least here they came in all the sizes...

Ok, this one wasn't too bad. It really wasn't. I'm trying to remember but I think this got ruled out because it was too low in the back. I had two issues with that. 1. I really would be more comfortable wearing a bra (probably too much info, but too late) and 2. I didn't want my back tattoo showing. My mother is still unaware that I have one, much less five and I'm trying to keep it that way because I will NEVER hear the end of it otherwise. She has very specific ideas about such things. She'll learn someday, I'm trying to postpone it as long as I can because it WILL be world war 3.

Ugh. It looked way better on the model in the catalog. It was also terrifically itchy. I figured if I was that annoyed by the itchiness within five minutes, it wouldn't stand a chance at the wedding. No dice.

Another that looked waaay cuter in the pictures in the catalog. I wasn't too seriously considering a short dress but figured if I was there trying stuff on, why not. Definitely not the winner.

This one I actually liked quite a bit, at least the way it looked in the back. The collar part was a little weird and neither KJ or Wife particularly liked it. I still think the back (next photo) is quite striking although the way it's gathered draws a little too much attention to my butt. It definitely was one of the ones I liked more though.

I am rather obviously underwhelmed by this one. I think the pointy bits on the bodice are weird, though they had that on quite a few strapless dresses. It isn't bad, it just doesn't look particularly great on me.

However, lest you think this was a fruitless trip, I did try one one dress (the one I went in really wanting to try) and fell in love with it. It looks great. It fits perfectly (other than being way too long, or maybe I'm too short) and it is very much me. I will feel totally comfortable in it. I won't be pulling things up, worrying my butt looks big or if I'm itchy. It even has pockets. It's kind of vintage-y looking, very plain (no lace, sequins or appliques of any sort) and classic. Wife and my mom describe it as being quite Audrey Hepburn. I love it and haven't the slightest worry that I'll find anything I'd like more. Even better? It was totally in the range of acceptable prices for something I will wear once. I will not post pictures because Jon reads this and, being somewhat superstitious and a bit old fashioned, I want to knock his socks off when I walk down the aisle. If you really want to know what it looks like, email me and I'll tell you. Otherwise, you get to wait 10 months till we have wedding photos.

So, that's the dress saga. I'm a bit embarrassed by some of the pictures, far from flattering but so be it. If you laugh, you're just not invited ;)

Can we please just get on with this?

So, it seems like EVERYONE I know is getting married (Sarah, Martin & Kelly) or has just gotten married (Hilary & George, Jess & Dan, Aaron & Jackie, Charlie & Jenna). It makes me just want to get ON with this whole thing. I don't WANT to wait 10 months. I want to see Jon more than once a week (our schedules are almost opposite, so we're lucky if we see each other once a week, really lucky if it's twice). So, weddings are definitely on the brain. I find myself obsessively checking websites like www.bryanmitchell.com (our photographer) and www.rockandrollbride.com for super cool photo ideas. Shannon (my best friend and maid of honor) is flying in from Boston in a few weeks and I can't wait to see her. Of course part of the plan for that weekend is to go bridesmaid dress shopping and for her to meet all the other girls, but I'm super thrilled just to see her. I haven't seen her since last summer when we met up in DC!

So, because I'm obsessing over things like the limited edition Williams Sonoma only Kitchen Aid 90th anniversary stand mixer in candy apple red (see here) and Le Creuset dutch ovens in red enamel (here) and so forth, I figured I'd just get some of this out of my system and do a wedding-related post.

This summer was a flurry of activity in terms of finding a place for our reception, looking for a dress and giving people money. First order of business was finding a reception hall...

We first went to Dominick's. A true Ann Arbor favorite, we liked the fact that we could get the entire back patio for ourselves and, of course, their divine sangria.

Ultimately, we decided that it was a bit too casual and wanted something fancier in the way of food (we'd pretty much be limited to pizza and sandwiches) so, the plan is to do the rehearsal dinner at Dominick's, which has the added advantage of being just across the diag from the church where we're getting married.

Stop two was at The Gandy Dancer. Another Ann Arbor institution, the Gandy Dancer was always the place my family went for VERY special occasions. I didn't really think that it would be in our price range, but we decided to take a look anyways since some bridal magazine I had indicated that their prices weren't as awful as one might expect.

Now I realize this doesn't look like much from the photos, but the outdoor courtyard at the Gandy Dancer is quite nice. Unfortunately, the woman in charge of catering and groups wasn't in that day so we were only able to get a packet with info on menus and so forth. We liked the space, the fact it was "outside" (but not so outside disaster would ensue if it rains), and it was elegant. A strong contender, but we still had other places to see and a lot of questions for the catering woman. Another visit would be necessary.

Next stop was the U of M Botanical Gardens. It quickly eliminated itself since we didn't need a place for the ceremony, the reception could only be indoors and the room where they hold receptions looked like a school lunchroom. The photos are lousy because we couldn't actually go in and I was taking them through the window. Still, not so great.

Our journey continued onward with a stop for a beer and a chance to sit down at Corner Brewery. While there, we figured we'd inquire if they do receptions. They do, but it just wasn't the right feel for us and we moved onwards.

Wellers in Saline was the next stop and posed numerous problems. This was a true "wedding factory" and they charge extra for EVERYTHING. You want glass wine glasses? That will be extra per glass (you get plastic otherwise). It costs extra for a Saturday night. You can't just have the gazebo (which would seat about 150 people) you have to ALSO get the carriage house. They only do a buffet dinner. You can only order alcohol from one place in Ann Arbor. There is a cake cutting fee. It quickly seemed ridiculous, so despite the fact that the grounds are pretty, it was out almost from the get-go.

Our last stop was Cobblestone Farm. Immediately, there was a problem. They were booked for almost ALL of next summer already (if you wanted a Saturday). The only available weekends were either before school let out for the summer (I'd be a madwoman) or the weekend of art fair. We already ruled that out, so the fact that I didn't really like it and it looks like a barn (ok, ok, it IS a barn) didn't matter.

So, after all that, where did we end up? We're going with The Gandy Dancer. Awesome food, in our budget and no crazy extras. No cake cutting fee. No fee for glass glasses. No problem bringing in an outside cake. We dont' even have to tell them how many chicken dishes and how many beef before the reception. Because they're a restaurant, people get to pick off our little set menu that night. Not to mention that when we did get to meet with the catering lady, I liked her A LOT. She seems very with it, friendly but knows what she's doing. I'm very excited for this! We can even have a little dancefloor :)

Next post? The wedding dresses...the good, the bad and the ugly (no, I'm not posting a photo of the one I picked, not till the wedding!)

So far, I am surviving

Well, a bit closer to a full week at school and I'm still alive. Four days this time (we get a lovely, wonderful 4 day Labor Day weekend) and I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. I'm still very much liking my AP kids (though they were weirdly quiet today, odd for a bunch of 16 year olds) and my American Lit kids are still the more difficult of the lot. Entertaining/forehead-slapping aspects from this week:

• Trying to convince a 16 year old boy that, yes, you do need to write this down because no, you probably won't remember it tomorrow (he didn't write it down and didn't remember it today).
• Having two students walk into my 5th hour American Lit class BLATANTLY reading the Spark Notes for The Scarlet Letter and standing three feet from me. Do you REALLY think I don't notice? I gave the entire class a stern talking to, proceeded to give a quiz where many of them (including the Spark Noters) did phenomenally bad. Let this be warning that Spark Notes will not save your ass in my class. You need to read. And read closely.
• Another student in my 5th hour class comes in wearing an out of dress code hoodie. I should have immediately written him up. Since we're just at the start of school, I told him to lose the hoodie or I'd write him up. Five minutes later I look over and he's still wearing the hoodie. So, I write him up, send him to the office and he has a detention. Should have just taken it off when I first asked. Moron.
• I think my contract might finally be sorted. Crossed fingers. I don't want to say much more till I sign it and see the next paycheck. I'm afraid I'll jinx it (yeah, yeah, superstition and Catholicism aren't supposed to go hand in hand. Weirdly, they do).

So, that's been this week so far. One more day...

OMG, I have to do this again tomorrow?

Unlike public schools in Michigan, my school (a private, Catholic high school) begins before Labor Day. And not just a little before Labor Day. We teachers went back LAST Wednesday. The students had their first day of school ( a full day, no half-days here) yesterday. We are back and running and I'm totally and utterly exhausted. I kind of hate my class schedule and it will take a lot of getting used to. We have seven classes a day. Teachers usually teach five classes and have two prep periods at some point during the day to do copying, grade, write lesson plans etc. My two preps are first and second periods. Then I teach straight through the rest of the day. No break. On the one hand, it seems to make the day go pretty fast (so far) on the other, it's utterly exhausting not having any breaks. Not even to run to the bathroom. I'll have to limit my liquids I guess.

Ok, so, for as much as I gripe, I do like teaching. I love teaching high schoolers (which tends to amaze people, why I'm not really sure). I particularly like teaching juniors. Freshmen aren't bad (they're usually scared stiff the first few months and after that are still easy to boss around), seniors are at least usually fairly mature, although you have to put up with senioritis, and juniors are typically beginning to realize that high school won't last forever and unless they want to stay working at the Coney Island/McDonalds/golf course/fun park forever, they might want to try and get into college. Juniors also begin to realize that they'll need letters of recommendation from you and so it is a good idea to stay on your good side (at least most of the time). Sophomores suck. They aren't scared freshmen anymore and they're cocky, obnoxious and difficult. I hate teaching sophomores and don't envy my office-mate for having ALL sophomores this year.

I am pretty lucky with the classes I teach. I have all juniors, teach two classes of AP Language and Composition (so, pretty driven kids) and two sections of American Lit (I hate American Lit, but that's neither here nor there) and a section of journalism (mixed, but not bad). As much as I like the juniors, I do notice some pretty big differences in attitude and behavior between the "regular" kids and the AP kids. Today is a perfect example.

All of my classes had to take their summer reading in-class essay. If they did the reading, they will be fine (for the most part). My AP kids moaned a bit about it, but got down to work quickly and I didn't have to bug them to get quiet or stay that way. Even some of the more boisterous kids were good about just doing the essay and keeping focused.

In walked my 5th hour American Lit class. There is one kid, I'll call him O to protect his identity, that I had a feeling would be difficult. Yes, teachers talk about students (sadly, far too much, we need new topics I guess) and I'd heard from my office-mate and Jon that this kid can be tough. I try to withhold judgment on kids until I get to know them, but this time I think they were right. I get everyone sitting in chairs (you'd think this would be obvious, I had one kid that I had to tell more than once to actually get off the desk and sit in the chair). I am giving basic instructions and reminders. O says (under his breath, but I still heard him) "lets get on with this Miss M. I need to check my Farmville." I rolled my eyes and told him to stop talking. I pass out the topics. He keeps talking to the kid sitting next to him. I ask him a second time to be quiet. He keeps talking. Third time, I tell him that if he does it once more, I'm taking points off his essay.

He did.

So, I told him (and the rest of class) that he just lost 5 points on his essay and so would anyone else who talked during the rest of the hour. That shut him up. He thought I was bluffing. Ha. I don't bluff.

I'm sure he thinks I'm a bitch. I'm fine with that. I don't care if he read the books (honestly though, the weren't even novels, they had to read two plays. "Death of a Salesman" and "The Glass Menagerie" Not too difficult). I don't care if he wrote a crappy essay. I don't want him bothering the other kids though. Aargh. Good start to the year, eh?

I also had another student in my 6th hour American Lit class come up to me and point blank told me "I didn't bother to read the two books this summer, I probably didn't do so well on the essay." I guess, thanks for being honest, but I told her that that is a bad start to the year (and her grade) and she needs to get with it and quickly. I think I need to talk to her parents before this gets out of control.

Wait. Did I say I like teaching? Remind me why? :) I'm glad we have a short week, I don't think I'd make it through a full week right now. One of my own teachers likened going back to teaching in the fall as being similar to getting back into a sport you haven't trained for in a long time. I think that's a pretty apt description.

How long until Thanksgiving?

It's that time again

Yes, it's that time again. Time for my annual back to school tattoo. What started as a sort of rebellion at the idea of teaching at yet another Catholic school when I was beginning to really settle into who I am as a person (and who I am is not really the stereotypical "good Catholic girl") has now become a tradition. Sure, there's still a little sense of that "fuck you" each time I get a new one, but I also just like getting tattoos. I like all of mine and have put a lot of thought into each one. So, as I typically do, roughly six months or so ago I started thinking about what my next one would be. I toyed with the idea of Tudor roses since I'm a huge nerd about the Tudors (and this nerdery happened LONG before the Showtime show came on, though I do like the show). Unfortunately, the place where I wanted to put the tattoo wasn't really ideal for that sort of design. I knew I wanted it to go on my left ribs and I knew I wanted the design to have a little of the same feel (though not necessarily to match) what I got on my right ribs last year. So, what to do?

I still liked the whole historical tie in and then I had a brainstorm. Besides being weirdly obsessed with Henry VIII, Elizabeth I, Mary I and so forth, I am a pretty big Shakespeare nerd. When I went to school for my PhD, the plan was to do my dissertation on Shakespeare. I adore going up to Stratford, Ontario to the Shakespeare Festival. I've taken classes on teaching Shakespeare as literature by using acting and drama in the classroom. I have taught Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Hamlet and Much Ado About Nothing numerous times to high school students. I find the notion that Shakespeare didn't exist preposterous. I desperately wish I could teach Shakespeare again where I'm working now but, sadly, another teacher has a death-grip on Shakespeare and, until she leaves, Shakespeare is her baby (it doesn't help that I teach American Lit for two of my classes, that i get, but still.) Yeah...I'm a nerd and proud of it.

So, with more thinking, I came up with a great idea. I've always loved Paul Steck's painting of Ophelia (from Hamlet, in case you didn't know) and it had that great literary tie-in. On top of that, it was the right shape and had the right feel to kind of complement but not match my other rib tattoo. Well, yesterday was the bit day. It's still red and sore (and a bit gunky) but you get the idea. I think Mike (the guy I always go to) did a fantastic job. I'm very excited about it :) It took three hours to do which didn't include the time he took to create the stencil and get set up. Three straight hours of tattooing. Just as I was getting to the point of wussing out and saying I couldn't stand it any more, he was done :) As if the tattooing didn't hurt enough, laying on one side for three hours without moving makes your hips feel like shit and having to keep both arms over your head makes them feel like they weigh 10 tons and become kinda numb. Now, if the feeling of being punched in the side would go away, I'll be fine :) So, another school year begins (actually, it already began, we started on Wednesday, though the kids come back this Wednesday) and I start it the same way I have for the last four years. With a brand new, back to school tattoo :)

It's been forever, but I have a good reason...

...and, no, it isn't my heart misbehaving (yay!)

So, as many of you already know, Jon proposed to me during our karaoke shindig. I had no idea that he was going to do it but the best part was, all of our friends (for the most part) did know. Kate and Jared brought champagne. I had not one but TWO friends who were secretly videotaping the entire thing. I had another few friends taking photos. It was awesome. Totally, utterly awesome and I'm still on cloud 9 a bit. (He proposed at the end of singing Elvis Costello's "She" and had been practicing for days, unbeknownst to me).

And, within 20 minutes of being engaged, people were asking us when we were getting married. While that DID seem a bit fast, we have also moved quite rapidly since getting engaged (only about three and a half weeks ago). Here's what we've accomplished:

• We set a date. July 10, 2010
• We have a place for the ceremony: St. Mary's Student Parish, A2
• We have a place for the reception: The Gandy Dancer Restaurant, courtyard. AMAZING food.
• I have already gotten The Dress. (It's gorgeous, I love it, very vintage-y and others have described it as being either very Jackie O, or very Audrey Hepburn)
• We have settled on a wedding party/attendants (whatever is the "proper" term) and asked most of them. Some we will ask when we see them in person in Phoenix for Josh & Julie's wedding.
• We have notified various relatives
• My mom will make The Cake (carrot cake, working on tweaking the recipe to stand up to being cut into a gazillion pieces in Michigan in July).
• Jon's mom will probably make the invitations.
• We have decided on at least A color (purple, my favorite).
• We have an AWESOME photographer booked. Bryan Mitchell, who is also a photojournalist for various publications like the Detroit News, Detroit Free Press and has shot certain events like the Kid Rock Hoedown at Comerica this weekend and the No Doubt/Paramore show a few weeks ago (among others, he's so cool). He had a photo on the front page of the Det News last week when that tanker caught fire.
• We're working on the guest list (we can have only 140 people, there will have to be cuts, that's causing stress).
• We've "conned" a friend into playing the piano before the ceremony. Rodger is an AMAZING pianist. He will be awesome.
• We've also "conned" another friend into being our DJ and MC at the reception. Chrysta has phenomenal taste in music, knows that real jazz isn't Kenny G and does a radio show on WEMU. She will, no doubt, be awesome.
• We've already been through two meetings with the priest that will be marrying us AND done the FOCCUS "test". More hoops to jump through for the church, but we're moving along.

I'm sure there are a zillion other things we've already gotten done that I've already forgotten about, but considering we haven't even been engaged 4 weeks, this isn't bad :) We're way ahead even by Martha Stewart's standards. I know a lot of this could have waited, but I figure since I've got the time right now before school starts, I might as well get some of this done.

We're really excited :) Thanks for all the well-wishes from people!

Another Episode

So, after a few weeks of no heart related problems and the joy of not having to wear the monitor anymore, I found myself with heart racing at 2am on Wednesday morning. I tried all the things my mom and my doctor have told me to do (they're called Vagal maneuvers) such as coughing and holding my breath and while they helped a bit, nothing seemed to stop the fast heartbeats for very long. I gave in and took some anxiety medication and finally calmed down enough to go to sleep. Sadly, when I woke up, my heart still seemed to be going fast. Not racing off the charts, but fast enough that I noticed it. It's a vicious cycle, I notice it going fast, I start paying attention to it and worrying and then can't really get it to slow down because I keep neurotically checking it to see if it's slowed down and all and when it hasn't, the worrying keeps going.

I went out to meet KJ for brunch which helped take my mind off it a bit, but as soon as I was alone again, the worrying ramped up. I had some errands to run but when I got home I paged my mom because she's very good at "talking me down" from this. She did, I calmed down enough and took a bit of a nap which I think helped.

No problems sleeping last night, but I woke up this morning and in that kind of "OMG, I feel fine, but let me take my pulse because what if it's still fast?!" mentality, was sure that my heartrate was a bit fast. My mom checked it and told me it was fine, so that helped. I think a fair bit of this is mental and I really need to be better at talking myself out of my freak-outs. I'm also working on actually telling people when I feel like something is wrong instead of keeping it inside and worrying myself blue about it. I mentioned to KJ that I my heart felt a bit fast and I was rather anxious about it, I told Jon AND I told both my parents. For me, that's quite a bit of progress. I did also move up my doctor's appointment. I was supposed to see her way off in July but I figured since I have the monitor off and if I need to be put on a beta-blocker, sooner is better than later. So, I see her next week which is a bit comforting.

I really wish all this would stop. I would really like my life to go back to the way it was say, at the beginning of May. It's been almost two months of this. At the same time, I need to keep reminding myself that it could be WAY worse. It is a normal rhythm. I have no pain, no fainting, no nothing like that, it's just fast. They can do things to slow my heart down (beta blockers to start, some relatively minor surgery if that doesn't work) and that's that. Ok, so, surgery isn't the most thrilling idea, but hopefully the medication will solve the problem and I'll look back on all this in two months and it'll just be a blip in 2009.

In other news, working madly on the reading contest. I'm in the process of reading three books right now (this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon). I'm digging my way through War and Peace, am almost finished with Dracula which I'd never read before (I am the worst English major ever I think), and am still working on The Children of Henry VIII. I made the mistake of going to Shaman Drum last week with Kathleen and bought three books then and then got two more yesterday at Borders. Bookstores are dangerous places, but I know it could be worse.

I'm really looking forward to going to Phoenix for Josh and Julie's wedding (Jon's brother and sister-in-law to be) even though I'm sure it'll be a million degrees down there. I really like his family and know we'll have fun. I'm also REALLY looking forward to the house we've rented and the fact that we have our own pool for the week. Fun!

Also doing some more serious thinking about my back-to-school tattoo for August. I think KJ and Kate are going to come with me and get ones too, so that's fun. I have two designs in mind, it's just a question of which one to get this time.

Trying to review the new Dave Matthews is difficult. I am trying to separate the fact that I could care less about the DMB (mostly because it seemed like everyone I knew in college was nuts about DMB and I didn't get what the big deal was) from whether or not the new album is good from an objective sense. It's tough. I'm really trying to be fair...

Freedom!

As of Saturday morning, I am free. I finally was able to take that heart monitor off and be rid of the wires and patches and extra cell phone. I am free of having to practically scrape adhesive and gel off my skin. I am free of trying to sleep with that thing. It is a wonderful feeling. The only thing that is not so thrilling is the fact that my skin is still a mess. Frankly, I think it's hideous but I'm hoping that it'll heal up soon (right now it's all red and splotchy in vague shapes of electrodes and amoebas). I did some reading on allergies to adhesives, particularly the type used on electrodes, and was rather surprised to find that a lot of people are allergic to it and even the companies that make the electrodes say that they're not meant to be used for more than a few days. No wonder 30 days has made my skin a mess. I'll give it a few more and if it doesn't seem to be clearing, hello Dr.'s office.

Other than that, it's been busy. My computer was making bizarre grinding noises so I am now $240 poorer, but my "vintage" Mac is fixed (that's a very nice way of saying effing old). I'm glad to have it back but totally know what I'm getting when it really does breathe its last.

I skipped a bunch of grad parties this weekend, just too much other stuff going on in terms of Father's Day and the like. I also hit a super fun party with KJ at a girl who was a classmate of mine in middle school (we haven't seen each other in at least 15 years). Good times though but still kinda weird since I think the last time we saw each other we were happy to be drinking soda and now we're swilling white wine. Oh well.

Not too much else for the moment. I'll keep you posted :)

Just a summary...

I know it's been forever since I last posted, I'll try to remedy that this summer but I'm not promising anything. So, an update of things possibly interesting and probably not-so interesting:

• I am still wearing the heart monitor. I can not WAIT to be rid of it. I've made it through almost 30 days of wearing it and Friday night I will be FREE! I know it was a good decision to go through wearing it and I did have an episode about two weeks ago which got recorded which is the whole point of wearing it, but I hate, hate, hate wearing it. Not only do I have four electrodes and a little disc the circumfrence of a coffee mug attached to me at all times, the stupid adhesive on the electrodes makes me break out in a rash. A rash I have now had for over four weeks. A rash I can't get rid of until I can stop wearing the stupid electrodes. It's agony. It's sort of like having chicken pox all over your torso but for four weeks. Needless to say, if you hear rejoicing on Friday night, you'll know who it is.
• School is over for the summer (yay!) though they didn't have contracts for us to sign which makes me somewhat nervous since there was talk of layoffs. I like to think I'm fairly safe since I'm the head of the department, but I'd still have felt a lot better walking out with a signed contract in my hand.
• I have been invited to over 15 graduation parties for seniors. I don't think I've ever had quite so full a social calendar. It's flattering at the same time though, and I'll really miss those seniors. Of course now they're allowed to be friends with me on facebook (that was my rule, I'm not your friend on facebook until you graduate) so I get to hear all about what's going on...
• I started my Constitutional Law class today. It's just an online class through the continuing ed program at WCC, but I'm still excited about it. I took a Journalism Law class when I was at MSU and LOVED it (totally nerdy, I know) so I'm looking forward to this. If it goes well I'll probably take the Evidence Law classes they offer too. Who knows, maybe I'll give the LSAT a shot...It's something I've always kind of thought about, so maybe I'll just do it and see what happens.
• I've started running again (yay!). Bummed that I had to miss the 5k I was going to do back in early June, but I've set my sights on doing a 10k in November. It felt really good to be running yesterday, and if I'm going to all these grad parties, I better start running again. Seriously, the amount of food at these things is nuts.
• Jon and I have our tickets for Arizona to go to Josh and Julie's wedding. I'm a little nervous about Phoenix in late July though. I am SO not a hot-weather person. Good thing the house we're staying at has a private pool. I think I'll be in it all the time (provided my stupid hives go away and I can wear a bathing suit without everyone thinking I have some awful skin disease.)
• I think I'm going to do some photography at Kelly's fashion show. She just graduated from FIT and is trying to put together a show of her stuff for late summer/the fall. I think that would be really cool, though I've never shot anything like that before. Worth a try :)
• I don't remember if I ever mentioned it, but in addition to writing for Revolt, I've been writing for Chris Schwegler's site. If you've never heard me mention him, he's a photographer in the Detroit area that gets to go to ALL the big stuff. Coldplay. Eminem. Elton John. Billy Joel. Aerosmith. Green Day. So, I've salivated over his photos for a number of years now and finally just emailed him one day and asked him if he needed anyone else, either as a writer or photographer. So, he hired me as a writer! I've got quite a few reviews up at his site now but one of the most exciting things was that I got to shoot the Lily Allen show for him! My photos and review of the show are here. I put in requests for a number of other shows this summer, I hope at least a few of them come through. It was pretty damn cool getting to photograph Lily Allen though. Totally fun show :)
  

Well, I think that's about all the big news for the moment. I'm keeping busy, that's for sure. Not too much time yet to get totally bored :)

I am quite ready for things to go back to normal

So, for the last week and a half, a bit of my life has been totally upside down. Most of you already know this, but for those that don't, here's the story.

Last Saturday I was admitted to the ER with a racing heart. We're not talking it being a little fast, at it's peak it was probably around 200 bpm (it should normally be around 70 or so). I was absolutely terrified. I am a generally healthy person. Occasionally a cold, cat allergies and such, but nothing majorly wrong with me. So, when your heart is going that fast, it's really, really scary. My mom took me to the ER, they did all sorts of blood tests (thyroid, potassium levels, etc.), an EKG (told them nothing other than my heart beat was normal, just fast) and made sure I wasn't pregnant (I'm not). Over time as I became more calm, my heart rate went down and they discharged me telling me that I need to see my regular doctor and probably will have to wear an event monitor for a while. I was so happy that my heart had stopped racing (especially since it had been going on for a few days before I finally said anything or did anything about it).

Unfortunately, it happened again on Sunday night. I woke up from a fairly deep sleep with my heart going quite fast. My mom was able to get me to calm down and lower my heart rate but then I was afraid to go back to sleep, so I was up for most of the night. Monday morning, I was a total wreck. Not only did I have to go to school on about 2 hours of sleep, but my anxiety level was through the roof. Again, my mom got me to calm down somewhat (I really think the anxiety piece of this doesn't help) provided me with some anti-anxiety medication and sent me off to school. I called my PCP's office to set up an appointment wiht the overwehlming hope that they'd see me that day (again, I was terrified and wanted someone to help this stop!). Of course my PCP wasn't in that day but the nurse did call her to talk about what to do. They tell me that it could be because my potassium is quite low and to eat more potassium-rich foods for the next week. WEEK. Then get my blood drawn on Monday (the 18th) and see the doctor on the 19th. This was TOTALLY not the answer I wanted. I really thought I was being blown off. So, of course, I called my mom (who has had heart-racing episodes herself, is a nurse and knows about this sort of thing). She said that it was actually a good possibility that the low-potassium was the cause which made me feel a bit better. So, I've spent the last week trying to boost my potassium. Unfortunately, it hasn't been a completely episode-free week. Tuesday night I had a mini-episode (again, my mom talked me out of it and Atavan helped too) and I'm still quite anxious about it all. I do hope that's all it is and the anxiety goes away soon though. It's very scary. And because I'm hyper-concious of what my heart is doing, it makes me nervous if it seems even just a teeny bit fast (which then starts the vicious cycle.)

I just want my life to go back to normal! I'm afraid to do anything that can get my heart rate up for fear that it won't go back down, so, no working out and definitely no running (so much for that 5k I was training for). I feel like a sloth, but a scared sloth.

I really hope this goes away for good soon. I'm tired of being terrified that it'll happen again at any minute. Sigh.

Time for MY 21st Century Breakdown

Well, the CDC has changed their minds and we're going back to school tomorrow. I got the call around 3pm and kind of almost had a panic attack. Why? you ask? Why should I be stressed out after having, essentially had, a four day weekend?

You would think that having had two extra days off from school would be relaxing, but I think I did more work in the last two days than I do in a normal day at school. I have been writing and responding to a gazillion emails from students. I have been creating assignments they can do at home without their textbooks (since many of them didn't bring their books home last Friday). I have been trying to come up with assignments my AP kids can do at home in preparation for the test. I have been trying to figure out what is going on with all the after school stuff like Prom which I was supposed to help chaperone this Friday. I have been trying to transcribe a taped interview so I can finally do the article. I have been trying to keep up with my training for my first ever 5k. It's been a rather mad two days. Sure, I got to sleep in beyond 5:30am, but I spent most of the day in front of my computer doing work. It's been a bit nuts.

Oh, and add to that, this was my last "real" weekend with Jon since he starts working second shift, Tuesday through Saturday nights now. That is going to take a lot of getting used to since now I'll see him once, maybe twice a week if I'm lucky. I'm leaving work when he'll be going in (and working till midnight, no less.)

So, last week it was my students needing to be talked down, today it's me. I'm hitting that panic mode to be honest. At least it's a three day week now, but still...crikey.

Well, time to go do more work and then, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, we're making Chili-lime pork and margaritas.

How long till summer break? :(

I guess that took care of things (sort of)

Well, for all my students that are panicking, last night's news either helped them or freaked them out completely.

Our school has been closed for the entire week due to one (possibly two) confirmed cases of Swine Flu. I'll be honest, part of me was thrilled at the thought of a week off. Then I realized that this means we'll have to extend the school year (ick), so I think I'd rather be there now than in June. Obviously, it isn't my decision. However, other things have been hugely impacted by this. This was supposed to be the first week of AP tests, but now our students are not allowed to take the tests and will have to go during a makeup date. My test (as of now) won't be affected since it isn't until next week (the 13th). Prom is cancelled (well, it might be rescheduled), all sports are cancelled, everything is off. However, we're trying to do some on-line classes and see how that works.

What an adventure. Still, I'll be honest, it was nice to sleep in this morning :)

21st Century Breakdown

No, this post really isn't about the new Green Day album (though I'm eager to get my hands on it and can't wait to hear it), but I did think it was an apt title for what's happening in my classroom right now.

My juniors are having meltdowns left and right.

It's that time of year again, AP test time. Tests start this week and most of my kids are taking two or three tests, so it isn't just my AP Language and Comp class that they're dealing with, it's also AP American History and AP Bio. Add to that that the school performance of Fiddler On The Roof was this weekend, and you can see where the problem is coming in.

Friday morning I had one girl come into my classroom to talk. She couldn't even make it through her first sentence before she started crying. She is totally overwhelmed with everything. Second hour of the day (AP English) I had the same girl from the morning getting weepy AND her friend getting weepy too. Third hour, I had two more kids crying in class (one with walking pneumonia who came to school because if she didn't, she couldn't perform in the musical that night).

They are worn out. They are freaking themselves out and putting insane amounts of pressure on themselves. I can actually SEE the look of panic in their faces and I feel so bad for them. So, I took time out of class to talk with them on Friday. I know they don't believe me, but I did tell them that in 10 years, no one will care what they got on their AP tests. I told them I got a 2 on the American History AP and still managed to get into the U of M, still graduated from U of M with two degrees, still went to grad school and still found a job teaching. That 2 has not haunted me for the rest of my life and it won't for them either. I told them that they need to figure out when to say they can't push anymore, to know when to take a break and get something to eat, go for a run, take a nap, call a friend for a little bit. I realize that it takes time to learn those things, but if they can walk away knowing to work on that, I think that's a step in the right direction. I got a huge hug from one of my criers after class and she thanked me profusely for taking the time to talk and reassure them.

I know how they feel, I was the same way in high school, but they're going to be ok. It's a little tough though, because there's a week and a half till the AP English exam, I want to keep they psyched for it but not get them so psyched that they completely fall apart. What to do, what to do...

Are we there yet?

I think I need to keep chanting, "it's almost spring break, it's almost spring break." That might be the only thing that gets me through the next six days of school. The kids are acting a bit like animals, I can't avoid teaching American poetry such as Robert Frost (which I hate, strike me down, I said it), the papers are piling up and I'm getting antsy and angsty. My current annoyance? The inability to find pants that actually aren't six inches too long for me. Here's my story.

I am 5'4". I think that is rather average and I am neither the shortest nor the tallest of the women I know. I have gotten completely sick of my clothes which is due in part to having been wearing the same winter clothes since October and having lost weight, so all those said clothes are on the unflatteringly baggy side. Yesterday I decided that it was time to invest in some new pants, but there's a catch. I absolutely HAVE to find pants that are considered "short" inseam and there are very few stores that actually sell such things. I used to get all my work pants from Express because they carry the fabled "short" pants. However, with their prices going up and up, I have a lot of trouble justifying spending $70 on one pair of pants. So, I started looking other places for cheaper, short pants. Well, it was the most unsuccessful trip to the mall ever. I found short pants, but anything less than $70 was truly hideous. It's like the companies think that either short people don't deserve flattering and fashionable pants or they think that us short people are so few and far between that making anything in a short length isn't necessary. Seriously, all I found were awful fabrics, nothing outside of black or an ugly shade of khaki, and unflattering cuts (hello, I am NOT going to wear pleated pants. No way).

So aggrivating. I think I might be forced to either buy the $70 pants (ugh) or get other pants and get them shortened which could put them in the range of $70 anyways. Aargh.

Someone should really start making fashionable pants for those of us under 5'8". Seriously.

Sasha lolcat

Which, of course, many of our students don't do...

Is it just me?

So, lately it seems like a million people from my past have popped up on Facebook and it's been a bit weird. I honestly never kept in touch with most of the people I knew in high school and now that I'm "seeing" them again, it has actually caused me all sorts of anxiety. I went to two different high schools (transferred between my sophomore and junior year) and many of the people I considered friends at my first high school grew distant when I changed schools. So, I'm seeing all these people from the past and it has made me notice a few things.

1. It's a bit insane how many people from FGR are married and having zillions of kids. It makes me wonder if they look at my profile and think I'm a pathetic loser. Or maybe they're envious, hard to say. It also makes me wonder if they consider me a lousy Catholic because of that (I accept I'm a lousy Catholic for lots of other reasons, but I don't need to add that to the list).

2. All my leftover self-consciousness from not being in the "cool" or "popular" groups resurfaces with Facebook. Will my profile "prove" that I'm "cool" now? And then I remember that it really shouldn't even matter in the first place. Why do I care what these people think of me anymore? I haven't seen them since 1996. It doesn't matter, but I can't help but wonder...

3. I also have this fear that if I friend some one, particularly people from my first high school, that they won't remember me. We did NOT go to a big school (there were probably only about 50 people in my class) and many of us had gone to school together since elementary school or middle school. Until today, it hadn't been an issue. Then I found someone I'd been pretty good friends with in 10th grade (she was a year behind me) and friended her. I got a message back, "Do I know you?" I guess what made it a little surprising is that she'd hung out at my house, been to birthday parties and so forth. Anyways, it fed into my fear that I'm a completely forgettable person (again, not Ms. Popular in HS, very quiet, very shy). I am SURE I am over-analyzing all this.

Anyways, it's just interesting I guess. It makes me feel stupid though that all these insecurities can pop up even 13 years after the fact. I wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way...

Opinion...

So, I just broke down and ordered what I think is a really cute dress but I'm wondering if it will be considered sacrilegious...I'm thinking it wouldn't be a good idea to wear it to my Catholic school, even with a little cardigan over it :) Meh, who cares. I just like it. End of story.

New toy

First of all, I made it through the week. I got ALL my exams, essays and homework assignments graded and I made it out of school by 5:30 on Thursday with my first semester and midterm grades successfully submitted to the office. Woot! (No easy feat, our grading program is a bit of a nightmare and I've had difficulties in the past). Because Michigan was supposed to be SO cold on Friday, the administration agreed to let us have Friday off (it was originally a "teachers report" type of day to do grades) IF we all got grades in on Thursday. We did and so Friday, no school! It's a nice little four day weekend for us too since we've got Monday off as well. Yay!

However, more exciting than work is the new toy I got in the mail on Wednesday. My new cell phone:




Yes, I finally kicked the Sidekick to the curb and got myself an early birthday present. It was backordered so I really didn't expect to get it for a week or two, but it came only three or four days after I ordered it (to my immense surprise). Other than having a bit of a problem with importing my contacts from my old SIM card (it didn't work and then I realized that there were certain numbers and emails that I ONLY had in my phone, so those are lost to the ether I think) I LOVE it. It's so much faster than my old phone at uploading emails and web pages and such. Also, since it's Google, it has certain apps like Gmail, Gmail chat and Google maps all already installed. It came with a 1 GB SD card so I can put music on my phone if I want (goodbye paying for ringtones!) and more space for storing pictures. While I hardly expect it to take the place of my iPod or lovely new digital point and shoot (the awesome Canon Elph SD 990) its very fun, the touch screen is super cool and I love that it has a real QWERTY keyboard. I also like that I didn't have to change providers since I would have if I was considering the iPhone (which is super cool but way more expensive for the phone itself not to even get into the cost of AT & T's service and data plans).

So, please bear with me and my total nerdy excitement over another gadget in my life :)