Happy Halloween!

Hey All,
Happy Halloween! Well, 'twas a good weekend. Friday I had the day off because I bailed out of the staff "retreat" (hey, they treat me like a temp, I AM a temp, why should I go to a retreat that I wasn't really invited to anyways nor do I care about?? I mean, really, what would you pick: a day off to sleep late and goof off OR a day of touchy-feely crap with a bunch of co-workers whom you could care less about (at least most of them)?? Not too tough a decision really.) Yeah, so Friday I had off and my parents headed to Indiana around noon, so I had most of the day to myself. I can't say I did anything terribly exciting, worked on my costume, watched "The Big Lebowski" (funny and I'd never seen it before) and the original "Psycho". Frankly, I was a bit disappointed in "Psycho". It wasn't all that scary even in a psycho-thriller kind of Hitchcockian way and I've seen other Hitchcock movies that were much more suspenseful. Oh well.

Saturday I finished work on my costume, practiced guitar, ran errands, and went to Husband and Wife's halloween party. It was a good time and there were certainly some entertaining costumes! Wife went as Billie Joe Armstrong which was hilarious, Husband was a bike messenger that got hit by a car, then there was Superman, Kryptonite, a bloke in drag, a couple that had just finished madly making out and/or having sex, and a king. Lots of yummy food and drinks were had (of course) and I was pretty pleased with my costume on the whole. I decided to go as Helena from My Chemical Romance's video for "Helena". I don't know how much I actually looked like her but it was fun to put the costume together and wear weird makeup. Here's a photo:



Pretty creepy, yeah? Sunday was far from exciting so I won't even bore you with the details. I really loved having the house to myself...is that awful of me? Oh well, can't help the way I feel. I had my second interview with AMG today, it went well but I won't hear anything from them till next week. I REALLY WANT THIS JOB! PLEASE let this work out finally! Aargh, I wonder if I should do some sort of a dance or make a sacrifice or something to get it... :) Just kidding (well, mostly kidding).

Rest of the week should be pretty dull...oh well. Such is life.
Fingers crossed!
Ciao,
Sasha

P.S. Happy B-day to Frank Iero from MCR! Maybe it's weird wishing somebody you don't know a happy b-day, but hey, everybody needs birthday wishes :)

More fun news...

Well, yesterday was quite the day! First I get that message from AMG (still quite excited) and then I have my guitar lesson. Best of all, my guitar teacher gave me a real song to learn and it is a Green Day song! I get to learn "Good Riddance" which is cool since it's one of my favorite songs anyways:)
Hmm, hopefully good things come in threes, not just bad things, in which case I'd really like my third good thing to happen on Monday at about 1:30pm...

In sadder news, I want to curse all those bloody squirrels that ate husband and wife's awesome jack o'lantern. Cheeky bastards. Just remember, you're rats with bushy tails, nothing more!

Ciao!
Sasha

WOO HOO!

Oh my GOD!!! AMG wants a second interview! I didn't expect to hear so soon:) They want me to come in on Monday, meet some more of the staff, work with their software, do some writing stuff with the other editors...scary and exciting! How cool would that be?? Heck, at least I made it into the second round, that's more than I can say for some other interviews I've gone on.
SO EXCITING!!!!

Music News

So, the interview at AMG seemed to go quite well. It was sort of a nice change from all those retarded behavioral type interview questions (stuff like, tell us about a time you failed at something and how you dealt with it, sort of crap). We basically sat there and talked music for about 45 minutes which was cool. The job sounds awesome, totally up my alley and I reeeeaaaallllly want it, which means I probably won't get it. Boo. I won't hear anything from them till next week but I really, really hope I at least get a second interview. I feel like the interviewer and I got along and hit it off, so hopefully that's a good thing. Please let this work out!!

Not much else besides a fun mail day. I got the new issue of Rolling Stone which has a huge article on Bono so that should be fun reading. I also just got my first issue of Interlude magazine. It's a new music magazine that's much less "mainstream" than Rolling Stone or Spin and seems quite cool. This is only their second issue and I'm pretty impressed with it(ok, quite impressed with it). There's a great article/interview with Gerard Way along with some awesome photos of My Chemical Romance:



(hmm, hopefully this isn't the only reason I like the magazine, I guess the jury will have to remain out till the next issue:) Check Interlude out though, it looks like we'll be seeing some good stuff from them in the future.

Ciao,
Sasha

Sunday nights are no fun

Well, another weekend is at its end. Yuck. Can't say I really look forward to going to work tomorrow. Of course, I know I shouldn't complain, the week is only three days for me (day off on Tuesday for an interview and going up to MSU and then the day off for a staff retreat I'm getting out of on Friday). Also looking forward to being on my own this coming weekend-parents out of town, and a Halloween party (quite happy with how my costume is coming along so far:) The interview seemed to go well but who really knows. I mean, I've gotten to this point before and haven't yet been offered a job. I'm supposed to hear sometime the end of next week but I'm not too nervous about it. I figure this won't be any different from the last few and it's pretty hard to keep that momentum/excitement up when I've just been severely disappointed in the past. Whatever.

My mom is back on her kick trying to get me to go to this young adult social group at church. Frankly, the idea makes me cringe. I mean, I can pretty much envision this--most likely a bunch of Jesus Freaks (or Bible Thumpers-call them what you will) and me feeling like a heathen and a hypocrite. I mean, I am hardly the best Catholic and for the most part I'm ok with that, I mean, I've made my choices and I don't regret them. However, being around a bunch of people that are very "good" Catholics, don't mind voicing their "good-Catholic-ness" and feeling like a total heathen in their midst does NOT sound like a fun evening to me. It isn't the fact that I wouldn't know anyone there, it's the fact that religion is involved. My mom is a much more religious person than I am, in fact, I'd say my faith has taken a serious nosedive since attending Catholic grad school and it hasn't improved with this whole job search thing. My mom's answer to a lot of things is to pray about it, well, I'm afraid I've tried that many times in many different situations, and it hasn't seemed to make a difference. I'm a bit skeptical. Well, we'll save my religion rant for another time. Suffice to say, I do not want to go to this young adult church thing. I foresee disaster.

Song quote for today:
"Skylines and Turnstiles"
You're not in this alone
Let me break this awkward silence
Let me go, on record
Be the first to say I'm sorry
Hear me out,
Well if you take me down
Or would you lay me out
And if the world needs something better
Let's give them one more reason now, now, now

We walk in single file
We light our rails and punch our time
Ride escalators colder than a cell

This broken city sky like butane on my skin
and stolen from my eyes
Hello Angel, tell me where are you
Tell me where we go from here

And in this moment we can't close our lids on burning eyes
Our memories blanket us with friends we know like fallout vapor
Steele corpses stretch out towards an ending sun, scorched and black
It reaches in and tears your flesh apart
as ice cold hands rip into your heart

That's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest
And after seeing what we saw, can we still reclaim our innocence
And if the world needs something better, let's give them one more reason

Tell me where we go from here.
-My Chemical Romance

Ciao,
Sasha

Here we go again...

I decided to do the interview with the school, it's this afternoon and I wish I could be more excited about the whole thing. I'll do my best, but I feel so kinda jaded at this point that I'm not sure how upset I'd be if I don't get it. Whatever. Such drama! Interview with for the music editor position on Tuesday, weirdly enough I feel more excited about that than the teaching job. What the hell is wrong with me?? Sheesh, I annoy even myself at times.

Second guitar lesson last night, it went well but my fingers hurt like crazy again. Just when I thought I was getting tougher :) I learned a bunch of new chords and feel like I'm making some progress. I like it a lot though, it's an excellent stress-release after work *wry grin*.

As for the weekend...happy hour tomorrow after work (woo hoo!) and not a whole heck of a lot else. I'm definitely looking forward to the weekend after though--parents out of town and a Halloween party at husband and wife's. I love Halloween! I've got a few ideas for costumes--one in particular that I really like the idea of, but I have to see if I can pull all the bits and pieces together for it--but I'm not telling yet:)
Ciao,
Sasha

So confused

I am so confused. I'm at work, my cell rings, it's the principal of a local high school. They'd posted a position for an English teacher a month + ago, I applied, didn't hear anything, figured they'd filled it. Well, the call today is that they want me to come in for an interview. I should be totally thrilled about this, right? Why aren't I? Why do I feel like not even bothering with the interview? I feel like I just got my life sorted again, sure, going back for journalism wasn't what I'd expected, but I've gotten used to and like the idea now. Just when I get used to one thing something else happens to screw it all up. I set up the interview, but there's a big part of me that doesn't want to bother. Watch, the time I don't care & don't really want the job is the time I'll get it. What the hell is wrong with me? If I were to get this job there's no way I could do both the journalism minor and teach, Tecumseh is in the opposite direction from Lansing and the two are something like an hour and a half from each other.
I haven't any idea what to do. Why does this kind of shit keep happening to me?? Why??

Jewish mothers & Catholic guilt

I've decided that there may be one type of mother "worse" than a stereotypical Jewish mother.

The Catholic mother.

I know I've already mentioned a few reasons why my mom makes me crazy but last night she used the card that always manages to cause me to spiral into self-loathing. What might that be you ask? The "when am I going to get you married off" card. To be fair, she didn't say it quite like that, but the meaning was there. We were talking about apartments etc., and I said something about really wishing I had my own place. Her response? "Well, you've got no money and, more than that, I really wish you'd meet someone". AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!! No, no no no no no no, PLEASE do not start with that! It isn't bad enough that I beat myself up about that very thing on a fairly regular basis, I do NOT need you joining in!! She makes it sound like I don't want to meet someone. God, it's hardly a case of me not being interested! It's very much a case of there being no normal, decent guys out there that I am interested in and happen to be interested in me. So, right there in the span of about five seconds my self-esteem managed to take a total nosedive. To be honest, I'd been feeling pretty ok about the whole situation lately. I haven't been dwelling on it too much, haven't been getting all psycho-emotional about no boyfriend and such. You'd think that would actually be a good thing and, hey, don't all be-coupled people tell you "think positive! blah blah blah, the more you think about it the less likely it happens, blah blah blah". Well, I wasn't thinking about it that much, but now I'm all depressed about it again. Thanks a lot mom. Thanks for re-opening that wound. Oh yeah, and hey, let's just forget about the fact that when you were my age, you weren't married yet either. So don't even start with me. I have enough self-loathing as it is. I hardly need you to help me out in this department.

The other fun comment from good old mom this weekend had to do with my hair. She begins with a seemingly good comment about my hair looking nice. What this discussion then evolves into is a commentary on how she did not like the way I'd done my hair the other day, how she doesn't like it's color, it's too dark etc. etc. It just rubbed me the wrong way and you combine that with the whole boyfriend/marriage discussion, driving to Detroit with her and such and god, this weekend was a barrel of laughs mom-style. Sheesh, practically makes you look for the closest tall building or bridge.

Oh yeah, and one other really fun habit of my mom's--every single time I'm on the phone, once I hang up, she asks me who I was talking to. I could be up on the roof on the phone and she could be at work across town and somehow she will know I was on the phone and will want to know who I was talking to. It makes me absolutely insane. God, I mean, I talk to maybe three people, you can guarantee it'll be one of them, so why ask? For some reason that really rubs me the wrong way. I'd love to tell her to stop asking, but what's a non-bitchy way to do that??

Here's my theory on the whole Catholic vs. Jewish mother thing. My mom has somewhat insane opinions about Judaism--the ideas, practices, people, you name it. However, what I think is hilarious is the fact that she is the perfect Jewish mother. Hell, aren't all Catholic mothers? And, to be technical, aren't they all actually in a way Jewish mothers? If Catholicism came out of Judaism, wouldn't it be logical that the Jewish-mother-ness was passed along to Catholic moms? Hence, my mom (despite the fact that she denies it) IS a Jewish mother.

Two things to look forward to:1) my mom and dad have a thing to go to tonight so I will get the house to myself for a few hours. 2) My mom and dad will be away for a weekend at the end of October. I will have the whole house to myself for almost three days. This is very, very exciting.

I really wish she'd leave me alone. I'm going to go completely insane at this rate. It's not like I don't already feel like a total loser, I hardly need her help.

Sasha

Pink hair, driving in Detroit and opera: Some observations

Well, yesterday turned out to be fodder for a number of observations. My mom happens to like opera, I don't mind it, my dad hates it. So, when my mom decided that she wanted to go to the Detroit Opera House to see "Norma" she asked me if I wanted to go. I agreed and she got tickets for last night. Let me tell you, getting there, I thought I'd die.

Now, when I was 16 my mom was dead set against me getting a driver's license and I was so pissed about the whole thing. At this point I've been driving for 10 years and the more I'm with my mom when she's driving, the more I realize that she's a maniac on the road. Everything was ok until we got on 96 and there was a detour that took us off the highway, into a less-than-stellar area of Detroit where there was MORE construction. Things came to a grinding halt and this is where the problem begins. My mom is so busy looking at everything but what is in front of her that we almost hit the car in front of us multiple times. I had a death-grip on the door handle and honestly believed we wouldn't make it to the theater without getting in an accident. Then, if that wasn't bad enough, she is getting frustrated because of the whole detour/construction issue and just about blows through an intersection with the light against us, at about 40 to 50 mph. If I hadn't yelled at her to stop, we'd have gone right through. That's the other thing that makes me horribly nervous driving with her, it never seems like she's going to stop as she's coming to a light, stop sign or behind another car. I hate driving with her, I usually feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I mean, there's aggressive driving and then there's idiotic driving. It's like she thinks that she's driving like a New Yorker (to be fair, she did learn to drive there) but this is just stupid. I mean, not stopping for a red light isn't New York, it's asinine. Sheesh.

So, we actually made it to the opera, the whole thing was ok, quite nice and all, but as we're standing around during intermission I see the weirdest woman there. She has a bubble-gum pink bobbed wig on, black platform shoes, and a blue, strapless, PVC dress. She looked like she was poured into the dress (or it was spray-painted on) and, she definitely didn't have the body to be wearing such a dress. Her breasts must have been kept in the dress by sheer willpower, because there wasn't much else keeping them in there. I'm not sure what the weirdest bit of the whole thing was...the pink wig? I mean, pink hair I could understand more in a way. You dye your hair, you're stuck with that color no matter where you go till you decide to dye over it. But a pink wig? She CHOSE to put that on to go to the opera. Bizarre. The dress made her look like a cheap hooker and the guy she was with was completely normal. Your average black/navy suited/tie-wearing middle aged guy. How the two of them ended up together I have no idea unless it's some sort of weird Pretty Woman scenario they're trying to live out. She must have a hell of a healthy self-esteem to be ok going out in that get up, especially to the opera where the standard uniform is any color as long as it's black and I'd say the average age is 40ish (so, likely to be horrified at a pink wig, PVC dress wearing, hooker inspired wardrobe).

It was kind of a bizarre evening in a lot of ways. At least I made it out alive!! It's cold and gross out, perfect day for curling up with a book which is exactly what I think I'll do:)
Ciao,
Sasha

Addendum

Oh yeah, contrary to what wife and I may have wished, said guitar teacher does not look like either Billie Joe Armstrong or Gerard Way. There is much sadness in that regard but he seems to really know his stuff and I know that's what's important (but it would have been super fun if he did look like Billie Joe or Gerard!) :)

Well, I think my first guitar lesson went quite well! I definitely need to develop some more motor memory when it comes to the fingers on my left hand...I suppose I should give myself time :) My teacher is quite nice, encouraging and patient which is a good combination. I learned a bunch of finger exercises and five chords, so that's a good beginning. I practiced for almost an hour last night after my lesson and the fingers on my left hand hurt like hell but I'm happy nonetheless. I know that once I've been playing longer I'll either be used to the pain in my fingertips (chords are the most painful) or I'll develop thick enough callouses (sp??) that I won't notice it or maybe a little of both:) I also had to cut the fingernails on my left hand way down. I thought they were short enough but I quickly found that they weren't, so, so-long to them! I like it a lot though and I'm still quite excited about it all! Maybe someday I'll be able to play more than just chords... It was sort of funny, I was in Herb David paying for my lesson and ran into Ben there, I had no idea he played guitar, so I guess I learned something new. I'll have to chat with him about this at some point...

I have an interview with All Media Guide set up for two weeks from now for the editor job. The whole thing should be quite interesting...I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I really want to find some sort of a new job. I've been stuck in the call center most of today and it sucks big time. I'm not exactly sure why but I hate calling patients and answering patient's calls. I think part of it is that I never know the answers to their questions and when they want to schedule an appt., there are so many little unwritten "rules" about that sort of stuff. Then it's trying to figure out what doctor they should see if they haven't been referred to a certain doctor, and again, there are a million little rules to do with that. Unfortunatley I'm scheduled to be in the call center for tomorrow too which doesn't make me happy. I don't know, maybe I'll get used to it. I'm not going to hold my breath on that one. Maybe it's just being out of my "comfort" zone or something like that. Whatever.

Yay for it almost being the weekend! I'm supposed to be heading to Plymouth with friends for drinks tomorrow night which should be fun. I hope everything works out b/c I really could use a night out. I just hate it when it turns into everybody else (I can think of one person in particular, and though I love her dearly, she tends to be very self-centered) bitching about their boyfriends (or in this case, ex-bf). Hello! At least you have a boyfriend!
Anywho, that's it for now. More practicing tonight!
Ciao,
Sasha

Slowly losing my mind and other exciting news...

Well, as much as I love my parents, yesterday the "togetherness" factor reached an all-time high and I was extremely close to just flipping out on my mom. Ok, so we work together and I don't actually see her all that much at the office, pretty much just now and then, but I guess part of it is the fact that she's just always there. We drive to work together in the morning, which makes sense, I know, it would be stupid to take two cars from the same place to the same place (especially with the cost of gas these days) but sometimes being in such close quarters with my mom first thing in the morning makes me a little edgy. What also makes me nuts is that she probably has been on-time twice in her life. Once for her own wedding and once for my brother's wedding. It will never, ever happen again and it's a challenge each and every morning to get her out the door on time so I'm not late. Technically it matters if she's late, but it doesn't seem to bug her the same way as it bugs me (probably becasue I've spent the last 27 years arriving places late because of my mom--as a result my brother and I have swung the other way and are neurotically early almost all the time). I thought that leaving without her might speed her up in the morning, nope. Didn't work, but at least I got to drive alone. I used to think that if she just got up 10 minutes earlier she'd be on time, but I don't think that would actually fix the problem. Somehow she manages to just waste time doing god-knows-what and makes pretty much everyone late almost all the time. Grr.

Most of the time she isn't ready to leave when I get off work, so I usually get to go home on my own (or not go home) which is oddly nice. I get time to sort of decompress from all the idiots I deal with during the day, get to sing in the car (which, though I look like a moron, I love doing), run errands...you know, all the little stuff. The problem is, I like that "me" time so much that on the rare occasions she is ready to go when 4:30 rolls around, I'm ready to jump out of my skin. That also means that I have "mom" time for the rest of the evening unless I can figure out some excuse to leave the house for a little bit. I know I'm mean but honestly, wanting my "me" time going home from work really helps me not say anything that could cause world war three. Honestly, sometimes I just sit there repeating "don't say anything, don't say a bloody word" to myself so I don't go and blurt out something totally obnoxious/try to cause a fight/bring up a topic I think my mom is wrong on but I'll never win an argument about etc. It's exhausting...

In other news, my first guitar lesson is today after work (talk about "me" time!) and though I'm nervous, I'm also very excited. I just hope my teacher is cool and doesn't think I'm a total idiot. The only other random news is that, last week after becoming disgusted with teaching red-tape, on a whim I sent in my resume for an assistant editor position with a music website. Well, much to my surprise, they called me to schedule an interview! They probably won't be interested when they find out I'm going back to school, but can't hurt to try right?? V. exciting! Heh, maybe I'm not meant to be a teacher, maybe I should have been in journalism all along...who knows.

And the song quote for the day:
I used to long for time alone
I used to long for a place of my own
now I'm losing faith in everything
I'm lost, so lost, I'm lost at sea, you'll see

Oh mercy me
God bless catastrophe
There's no way in hell
We'll ever live through this so
Drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today.
-Alkaline Trio

Now, if I can just manage not to go postal at work today, things will be good...
Ciao,
Sasha

The weekend so far and proving a point

Well, overall, it's been a good weekend so far. Too bad it's Sunday and I have to go back to work tomorrow... Went over to husband and wife's last night for dinner. They made their famous buffalo wings which was a fantastic surprise, probably ate too many of them and shortened my life expectancy by a few years but it was totally worth it. We basically hung out, but it was definitely a good time. One of the funniest things was this phrase that husband made up, let me set up the context for it first:
Wife and I had just gone to rent a movie. While we're at blockbuster we conclude that husband is very particular about his movies in an odd way. When we get back home, we give him a hard time about his particularity and he asks for examples. Unfortunately, wife and I can't think of any good ones despite having had a list of them while at the video store. He suggests that one of them is that he doesn't like Meg Ryan. Then he amended that statement by saying that "When Harry Met Sally" wasn't so bad, BUT he thinks that this is due to the fact that Billy Crystal is in the movie and it offsets the "Meg Ryan-ness" of the movie. Meg Ryan-ness??!! That's not a word and it's definitely not an adjective! Pretty damn funny though. Meg Ryan-ness...

I got some good news on my Shakespeare paper, my prof gave me an A on it which rocks, especially since it's a big fat six-credit A. Take that my ex-doctoral program! Ha, I'm not a total idiot despite what some of you may think! Nyah, nyah, nyah :) Getting a little stir-crazy right now though and trying to figure out a good excuse to take off for a little bit. Too much "together" time with my mom and dad can make me a bit nuts. I actually really liked having my Shakespeare paper as an excuse to take off to Starbuck's to work on it. I mean, it's true that I get nothing accomplished at home, I get way too distracted, but it was also nice to just head to downtown Ann Arbor, do a little people-watching, get a cuppa and be alone for a bit. Hmm, maybe I can get a friend to go for coffee right now...

On a different note, while at husband and wife's last night, there was a bit of a debate over whether or not eyeliner works on some guys (not whether it actually physically works but whether or not it looks good on them). Wife and I agree that it definitely works on Billie Joe Armstrong. I submit this photo as evidence:


Husband was not entirely convinced by our argument and then proceeded to question whether or not Gerard Way is one of those guys that looks good in eyeliner (while also mocking me for thinking he's hot.) Again, as evidence:


Again, the eyeliner really works on him and how could anyone deny that this is a beautiful man?? Of course, it seems like it's in the genes. His brother, Mikey, is gorgeous too:

Yeah so, in summation, some guys in eyeliner = hot. Others, not so much. For Billie Joe, Gerard and Mikey Way, it definitely works. I mean, could you imagine Jakob Dylan in eyeliner? Pretty good looking in general but I do not think eyeliner would work on him. I'm sure I could think of other examples, but I'm too lazy right now. I rest my case.
Right, so, now its time to head back to husband and wife's house for dinner again, this time my parents are coming, so it won't be quite as free and easy with the conversation as it was last night. Should be a good time though. Managed to convince a friend to get coffee, so I made it out of the house for a bit which isn't all bad. Too bad it's back to work tomorrow :(
Ciao,
Sasha

VICTORY!

Oh my god, I did it. I set up guitar lessons and bought a guitar! I start lessons on Wednesday and am SUPER psyched about this. I can't believe I finally got up the nerve to walk into Herb David, look like a moron and do something I've been thinking about doing for a loooong time. Yay me! Well, I may not have a teaching job, but I think it'll be good for me to have something like this to be excited about.
I'll keep you posted on how the lessons go!
Ciao,
Sasha

Another Turning Point

Ok, so I've been listening to Green Day a lot lately and sort of got thinking about the song "Good Riddance". I LOVE finding song lyrics that seem to fit with the way I'm feeling at the moment. This one, for the most part, seems to fit well with my life right now (except maybe the "having the time of your life" bit):

"Good Riddance (Time of your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I guess that's the way I feel right now about the whole not getting the job, finding out I need to go back to school situation. I DO feel like this is a test of some kind and I sure as hell hope that this is the right thing to do and the right thing for me. While I'm ok with going back to school there's still part of me that thinks I really must have done something horrible in a past life to keep having stuff like this happen to me...I hope that something really good will come of all this. I hope that "in the end it's right".

Ciao,
Sasha

The Plan

Ok, so I've calmed down a bit from this whole certification thing going down. I'm not happy about it, I can't stop thinking about it, but I'm actually calmer. This is how I see it:

• I have a state of Michigan teaching certificate for English and Anthropology. I can teach English but cannot teach journalism and/or yearbook.
• Because of this and NCLB, I need to get a journalism endorsement for my certificate so I can teach journalism and/or yearbook.
• I am unlikely to find a full-time teaching job at this point in the year. This means I am out of a teaching job till at least next fall.
• I am unlikely to find a job in an area that interests me besides teaching since I don't have experience with anything else.
• Therefore, I need to go back to school.

With all this in mind, I've done some thinking and made a lot of phone calls. Here's the plan:

• I need to go to MSU to get a journalism minor. After looking over their program versus Madonna's (they are the only two accredited journalism programs recognized by the State of MI Dept of Education) MSU's seems far superior. I will manage with the fact that this is enemy territory and I'll have to conceal the fact that I've got three degrees from U of M.
• I'm actually excited about this--I didn't expect to be back in school so soon (if ever) but the classes I'll have to take sound really interesting and totally different from what I spent the last two years in DC taking.
• Getting a minor in journalism may help if I decide to leave teaching and work as a writer at a rock magazine ;)
• The money side of this freaks me out, but, I guess you have to spend money to make money. If I play my cards right, I can still keep my boring but income producing job AND go to school. So, that would help.

This is definitely not what I expected to be doing when I decided to leave DC and grad school behind, but I'm ok with it. I guess if I have to be semi-unemployed and unlikely to get a job till next fall, I can think of worse things than using the time to go back to school (again). At least I'll be using my brain which I don't really get to do where I'm working right now. MSU may be enemy territory but it's still a good school, and, unlike my former school in DC, it's huge, offers lots of classes and even multiple sections of those classes (can you imagine!?) and there will be lots and lots of people. Sure, like the DC school, some of them will be weird, but at least it'll be a bigger pool to fish in. So, that's the plan.

A few other thoughts:

• I'm thinking about starting a music ezine. I need to figure out what niche to go after, so if you feel that there's an area in music that needs more coverage, let me know. I figure a good place to begin is with the Ann Arbor music scene. We'll see...
• I need to get off my ass and do something about learning how to play the guitar. Enough thinking about it, DO SOMETHING!

Finally, a song quote for today:

Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.

Like the firing squad or the mess you made.

Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.

In the best damn dress I own?

[Chorus]If you were here I'd never have a fear.

So go on live your life.

But I miss you more than I did yesterday.

You're so far away.

So c'mon show me how.

'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say.

Some might say we are made from the sharpest things you say

We are young and we don't care.

Your dreams and your hopeless hair.

We never wanted it to be this way.

For all our lives.

Do you care {at all}?

-"Give 'em Hell, Kid" MCR

There is something supremely wrong with the education system in America. Here's the deal: randomly, a job opened up at a local high school--it seems perfect, high school English, yearbook and journalism. It's at a good school and my awesome sister-in-law is a teacher there too. I get called in for an interview, things go really well and it seems like I might finally get a teaching job.

Wrong.

I get a call from the principal and there's good news and bad news. The good news is: they want to hire me. The bad news: they can't hire me. Why? Apparently, thanks to the good ol' State of Michigan a teacher needs to be certified in English AND Journalism in order to teach Journalism and/or Yearbook. I am only certified in English. Here's how popular the journalism certification is in Michigan, only TWO of the many, many universities and colleges in the state offer a program for journalism certification. I would bet money that not all of the teachers currently teaching journalism and/or yearbook as a class have a journalism certification. In fact, I know of at least one who doesn't have the "official" endorsement on her certificate and she's currently teaching journalism AND yearbook!

Oh yeah, it gets even better.

The principal seems like a nice guy and is still trying to figure out a way to hire me legally, so he calls the state and asks if they'll issue a temporary "emergency" journalism license. They say they won't because (get this) there is a surplus of ENGLISH teachers. Wait, I just thought you said I needed a journalism cert, not English, but you won't offer a temporary cert because there are too many English teachers??! Clearly there's a lack of journalism teachers, why are you even bringing English into this if you just said they were two separate things?? It's freaking retarded is what it is (and hats off to our idiot president who puts stupid, red-tape creating educational policies in place like No Child Left Behind. I can tell you that it sure as hell won't make much of a positive difference in our American educational system).

I can't quite believe this...I mean, the school now has to leave the position unfilled, in the middle of the school year, get a substitute in (who, in Michigan, does not need to have a teaching certificate at ALL, nor do they even need a bachelor's degree, just a certain number of college credits in ANY area) and apparently that is better (in the eyes of the State of Michigan) than having a full time, certified teacher, who, albeit, doesn't have a journalism cert but DOES have an English cert, three years experience teaching yearbook and two years experience writing for a daily newspaper. What is WRONG with this picture?

Basically, this means I need to go back to school and get a journalism certification if I ever want to be able to apply for a job that teaches journalism and/or yearbook. I don't mind going back to school, but it doesn't help me with the job problem right now. I'd need to complete 20 credits, so that isn't something that can be done overnight exactly. I feel so disillusioned about teaching right now, and though there's a part of me that really loves working with kids and knows that I'm a good teacher, there's a bigger part of me now that wants to just say to hell with it. Problem is, I have no experience doing anything else and one of the things I'd really like to do (write for a magazine, preferably a music magazine) would require picking up and moving to New York City IF I could even get a job (back to the no experience thing).

God, this sucks. I was SO freaking close to getting a job and I can't have it even though the school wants to hire me. No wonder people don't want to become teachers or don't want to stay teachers. Don't even get me started on this Teach for America bullshit. There was an article in the NY Times about how great it is that all these Ivy League kids are going and joining TFA, and how wonderful that they aren't at the "bottom of the barrel" like all the teachers we currently have, blah blah blah. That article made me SO FREAKING MAD I could hardly see straight. TFA teachers DON'T have state certification! Why do they get jobs and I can't freaking find one even though I've got not one, but TWO BA's, a MA AND a State of Michigan teaching certificate?? And I was definitely not at the bottom of my class! I graduated with class and university honors! This is bullshit. I know I should keep trying for the kids, but it's getting harder and harder to see the point in even continuing to try.

Unhappily,
Sasha

Hilarious website

Ok, you need to check out The Superficial. It is the snarkiest website I've come across, and if you're amused by stupid things celebrities do, this is fantastic reading. A great time waster.

Sigh...

Well, not that it would be that difficult to have a more interesting life than I have, but I just ran across ultragrrrl's blog and, good god, I want her life! Worst of all, she seems like a fairly normal person, despite the fact that she gets to hang out with, party with and interview some of the most amazing bands. Hmm, I wonder how you get a gig at Spin...must check into that, esp. if this whole teaching thing doesn't work out. No word on the job front, don't ask.

Have hardly done anything at work today, not so much because there's nothing to do (as is sometimes the case) but mostly because I just don't care. The patients annoy me, the doctor is running late, we're short-staffed and I don't give a shit. Yeah, great attitude, I know. Doesn't help that what I have been doing is reading about somebody else's life and it just is so much more interesting than mine is right now.

Not too depressed about the whole lack of a b/f thing, mostly because I've either been too busy to think about it with trying to finish my paper and all or because I've been obsessing over musicians that I will never, ever meet. Futile and a waste of time but it's fun, so bugger off:)

I've been thinking a lot about two things: 1) I want to learn how to play the guitar. Ok, to most people that know me this will seem to come out of nowhere, but I've actually wanted to learn to play for a long time. I just never did anything about it. Well, maybe now's the time to do something. I've done a little researching about it all and the only thing that's in my way is the fact I don't own a guitar. I'm a little nervous about buying a guitar, not so much from the money point but mostly because I haven't the first clue what to get. Sure, I can go to Herb David and talk to them, but I also have this incredible reluctance to look like a complete moron, which, when it comes to guitars, I am. So, basically, my self-consciousness is getting in the way of learning how to play the guitar. I need to do something about this.

The second thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is getting a tattoo. Here's the thing, I like the idea of a tattoo but 1) I still haven't come up with a design that I'm cool with having for the rest of my natural life. 2) I'm chickenshit when it comes to pain. 3) My mom would literally kill me if I got one and she found out. Of course the killing me part might solve the problem of being stuck with a stupid tattoo for years and years as I'd probably not live very long past the time she found out (so, basically I could be dead by the time I'm 28). Well, it isn't too likely that I'll do anything about this in the near future. I'll try to deal with the guitar stuff first, while my mom is likely to think I'm nuts, the likelihood of a homicide occurring is far less.

Music update: V. much like Alkaline Trio. The album "Crimson" rocks, and I LOVE the songs "Dethbed" and "Sadie". Just downloaded one of their earlier albums "Good Mourning" (hah, get it? Yeah, I'm a total dork) and am listening to it right now. Some good stuff but I haven't really been able to listen to it yet since I'm at work. I'll save it for the car. Weirdly enough, I find the car one of the best places to listen to new music--you can turn it up loud and really listen to it. Yeah, so, in summary, check out Alkaline Trio.

That's it for now,
Ciao,
Sasha

Finally Finished!

Woo hoo! This is so exciting, I am finally finished with my big Shakespeare paper! As part of my month in England studying Shakespeare I had to write a rather hefty paper on a topic of my choosing. Well, I've been working on this paper since July and it is finally finished :) Geeze, I'm going to hardly know what to do with myself now that it's done. I mean, I've spent every single day for the last month working on this paper, whether it was doing research or actually writing it, there has hardly been a day that's gone by that I wasn't doing something for this paper. Best part is, I actually got to write about a topic of my choosing which made it a hell of a lot more interesting to write and work on. I mean, I've had to write plenty of other papers of the same length and I'd get to maybe page 15 and have nothing more to say but I needed to make at least 20 pages so I'd bullshit the rest of the paper. Yeah, that's a really good way to go about writing, eh? With this paper it was full steam ahead and I was at 20 pages and still had things I wanted to discuss which is the way it should be. I hope my prof likes it, but, you know what, I feel really bloody proud of myself either way. I'm glad it's done and there were days I didn't want to go work on it after a long day at work, but I actually enjoyed it in a weird way. Maybe if I had had more profs like this one in my doctoral program I'd have stayed there. Now I get to go to the grad library and return a HUGE pile of books (sick part is, I read almost all of them) which will be kind of fun. I almost feel like I should "dedicate" my paper to the staff at my local Starbucks since I wrote almost all of the paper while sitting there :)

So, that's the excitement for now. One job possibility but I'm not going to talk about it b/c I feel like I'll jinx it.

Yay for being done with the paper!
Ciao,
Sasha