Still Searching

So, the job search continues without a whole lot of light at the end of the tunnel. I've got resumes and applications in at a whole bunch of schools but haven't even gotten a call for an interview. It's very disheartening, especially since some of the schools I've applied at begin classes in a week. A friend of mine is trying to pull some strings for me in her district, but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one. I really appreicate what she's done for me though, but I'm losing hope rapidly. I guess I need to start looking for non-teaching openings which sucks, because I really wanted to teach high school again. It sucks because I KNOW I'd be good at it, but I just need a chance. Unfortunately, English majors are a dime a dozen and I'm already on the short end of the stick if I'm competing against somebody who is already in the district. I hate sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. This is beginning to make me crazy.

The worst part is, and I know she means well, but my mom keeps trying to help. She probably spends just as much time as I do on-line looking for openings, and for some reason this tends to annoy me. She's always asking if I've "heard anything" and I cringe each time she asks. No! I haven't heard anything! Believe me, you'll be the first to know IF I do! Aargh. I feel like a bitch too because i know she's just trying to help, but I'm putting enough pressure on myself about all this, I don't need her putting pressure on me too. It isn't like I don't WANT a job, I do! Desperately!

As a result of this total job-related (or lack-of-job-related) stress, I've been an emotional basketcase. Had a total meltdown the other night and it just all came out...the lack of a boyfriend, the fact that I live with my parents, the fact that I don't have a REAL job and can't seem to find one no matter how hard I try...it sucks. I thought I'd been close to getting married, I'd been with somebody for over three years but things fell apart and then I found out that he got married within 6 months of us breaking up. I nearly lost it when I found out, I mean, he never even talked about marriage with me and then he ups and gets married all of the sudden. I know the theory is that some girls are the "lid-looseners" and maybe that is the case, but it hurts like hell, even still. I know I need to get over him and I think I mostly am, but there are still those moments when I get that "I wasn't good enough for him to want to marry me" feeling. Sucks.

Well, too much wallowing already. I'm whiny and I know it, but things are really tough right now and it helps to write about them a bit even if nobody else reads them. Ciao.