Death of a friendship

I suppose this was one of those things I should have seen coming sooner, and really, I've known that it's been happening, I guess I was just in denial or hoping that it could be prevented.

However, it IS definitely true that you need both people invested in a friendship for it to work. It was made perfectly clear to me today that my former-friend, now-acquaintance, Elana is no longer interested in maintaining our friendship.

I've known her since my junior year of college, so for almost exactly 10 years. We met while working together at the Dentistry library where we bonded over laughing at the stressed-out dental students, socially-inept full-time staff and the School of Education. Yes, we were both on the track to become teachers, she, an elementary school teacher and me, high school. Perhaps that should have indicated our vast differences to me early on, but she seemed to be so much that I felt I wasn't. She had a large circle of friends, she went out with boys, she partied. I was (and still am) a nerd who didn't have many close friends, was having trouble with my roommate at the time, hadn't really dated anyone seriously since high school and spent most of my time at the ice rick with the figure skating team, of which I was vice-president. Needless to say, we were pretty different.

Somehow we became friends, despite these differences, and were very close for the first five years or so. We'd regularly hang out on Friday nights, hit the bar, gripe about guys and so forth. However, it became increasingly clear to me that we weren't looking for the same things in a friendship when I moved to DC. I'd call her to be rebuffed and told that "American Idol is on in 10 minutes, so I'm only going to talk that long," or to not have calls returned at all. In fact, it became such that the only times she did call/return my calls was if she'd either broken up with her on-again, off-again boyfriend or they'd gotten back together. Sure, we'd hang out when I was back home for breaks and such, but we were definitely growing apart.

What was getting clearer became even more obvious in the last two years. Since I moved back to Michigan, she and I have hung out on very few occasions. I've made efforts to plan get-togethers only to have her a)not even call back, b) cancel at the last minute or c) we'd hang out and she'd spend the entire time talking about herself and how great her life is. It got tiring. I'd host parties and she wouldn't even rsvp to say she couldn't make it (or didn't want to).

I think today was the death-knell. I invited her to my 30th birthday shindig next weekend. I noticed a voice mail on my cell and caller id said it was her. She was calling to say that she not only can't make it, but she's going to someone else's party "whose birthday is actually that day." She mentioned the girl's name. I know for a fact they have NOT known each other for 10 years. I was honestly a little surprised that she even bothered to let me know she wasn't coming. She hasn't done that for the last three parties I've thrown.

It's sad. I suppose it was sort of inevitable and I know people grow apart, but I'd hoped that we'd be able to work things out. I've tried. I've made the effort and extended the invitations, but I guess it's time to give that up (a hint should have been when she only called me at Thanksgiving to get a ride to the airport, not to catch up or suggest getting a cup of coffee or something). I feel like a bitch, but I guess this would only work if she wanted to be part of this friendship too, and she clearly doesn't.